On Mission Families

26 01 2010

On Mission Families
How Parents Can Lead Their Children to Love Others

A Parent’s Perspective

My wife and I love to serve alongside our three daughters (Hailey 10, Madelyn 7, and Eden 2). We think it is an important part of their spiritual formation as young Christ-followers. Our family mantra echoes the words of Jesus in Matthew 22:37-40. We believe biblical parenting involves raising children to become adults who “love God and love people” by living the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20).

Though we are young in our parenting, we know our children will only embrace an on mission lifestyle as we lead them with intentionality. So how can parents involve their children in the Great Commission as they grow from infancy to adulthood?

People of Influence

The Great Commission calls every follower of Jesus Christ to become a person of influence because of the authority of our King. This influence is given by God and is executed relationally. Not worldly influence that comes from money or status. Instead this is a salty influence that attracts others because of the beauty of Christ in us as we follow Him. Our children need to learn how to be persons of influence and observe as we demonstrate this kind of influence if they are to embrace a Great Commission lifestyle. We teach our children that Jesus puts us in obvious places where everyone can see us so other people can learn about Jesus and His love.

Angela (my wife) and I started teaching this concept very early on with our girls. Since infancy my girls listen as we pray over them at bedtime. Our nightly prayer goes something like this: “Lord Jesus, would You bless her and keep her and make Your face shine on her (Numbers 6:24) and would You use her in this world for Your Glory, that Your Name would be made more famous in the lives of people on our street and around the planet throughout the generations.”

We demonstrate this influence by making our home a place of hospitality first and foremost to the people who live on our street. Angela’s “stay-at-home mom” choice affords us with weekly opportunity. Many nights a week we have extra children in our home after school who stay through dinner. It is usually unplanned and a gift to their working parents. Dinner for us includes conversation around the Scripture. We involve visiting children as if they are a part of the family. We are demonstrating how to influence others for Christ without ever leaving our home. Later, we lead our daughters to pray for the people we are influencing. This is one way they learn how to be people of influence.

As we walk our children to the bus stop, we pray that God would use them as people of influence for the Kingdom at their school. We regularly pray for classmates and their families who need to know the good news of Jesus Christ. We try through prayer, regular family devotions, and our daily lives to purposefully live out the Great Commission with our children and involve them in the work of it. I pray as they grow and go wherever God leads them, they will always remember that Jesus calls them to be people of influence as students, stay-at-home moms, or missionaries to the other side of the world.

Loving Others in the Community

Our children need a chance to get their hands dirty, serving others for the cause of Christ. Local churches can provide families inexpensive local opportunities to serve. As parents we need to take advantage of these opportunities to teach our kids to serve others in a self-centered culture.

There is a newer church near our home named Iglesia Sobre la Roca or Church on the Rock. One Saturday our family along with dozens of other families from our church served the people of Iglesia Sobre la Roca by laying sod and building landscape to beautify their new church facility.

It was a drizzly day in Houston that brought fire ants to the surface. My daughters were working together to hoist one piece of sod and drag it to the next placement area. I heard one of them scream and then the other. Fire ants were all over their arms. I hosed them down and gave them some Benadryl. When given the choice to go home, they said they were having too much fun to leave. By the end of the day families working together transformed the muddy field at Iglesia Sobre la Roca to a nicely manicured yard. To this day as we drive by the church the girls recall the story of that day. The work, rain, and ant bites only made the gift of serving others more significant. When our children get their hands dirty serving others their hearts become open to the work of the Great Commission. As parents the best way we can raise Great Commission kids is to serve alongside them as much as possible.

Loving Others around the World

The Great Commission calls us to make disciples of “all nations”. Clearly Jesus has the peoples of the world in mind as He calls us to live on mission. How can families engage in global missions? Here are some practical ways.

•Support a World Vision child. This has been a very practical way for our family to cultivate a heart for the people of the world. We support Patricia, a ten year old girl from The Congo. World Vision does a great job of putting a face to missions and making certain that your dollars actually benefit the child. We pray for Patricia during our weekly faith talks, and we give monthly. The girls often pray for her before we go to bed. This is a great step for any family.

•Participate in Missions Programming for Children at church. Simply making sure your children participate in the missions programming for kids at your church is significant. Every Wednesday my girls have the opportunity to learn about mission work around the globe, experience a taste of other cultures, and pray for the people of the world. When they enter youth ministry, missions education turns into experiential opportunities. As a parent, I want my children involved in missions at church. In this way the church partners with us as parents to help our children embrace an Acts 1:8 understanding of living on mission.

•Sacrifice to give each child an international experience during the high school or college years. Angela and I plan to give each of our children an international experience before they graduate from high school. My pastor, who has two children in college and two at home, sacrifices to give his children the gift of serving internationally. I have observed the fruit from that experience in the lives of his children who are now young adults. We hope to follow his example as we lead our children to embrace a heart for the nations.

A Practical Example for Church Leaders

Just Change… Families on Mission in the Small Things

On mission families likely belong to on mission churches. As pastors and church leaders we work hard to involve families in the Great Commission. Families need our help to participate in on mission experiences. We are learning to develop intentional partnerships between family ministry and missions ministry in the local church. Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas where I serve as Associate Pastor is discovering the beauty of this strategic partnership. At Kingsland our mission is to “Love God, Love People, and Equip the Generations… one home at a time.”

“One home at a time” conjures pictures in our minds of suburban families seeking to lead the next generation biblically. We think of our children and our homes as we walk the path of Legacy Milestones. In order for the world to know the justice of God we must also think of other children and other homes.

Kingsland’s Go Beyond Missions Ministry has established a partnership with a safe house in Kolkata, India. This safe house is a place where girls who have been rescued from forced commercial sex are taken to live. The girls receive counseling, are provided help to get off the drugs given to them by their oppressors to make them compliant, and are given education and taught a vocational trade. The staff of this home works to return girls to the families from whom they were kidnapped and to relocate girls sold into slavery by their own parents.

Kingsland’s Legacy Milestones Ministry (family ministry) is partnering with our Go Beyond Missions Ministry to raise the monies needed each month to provide for the safety and needs of these young girls. If every family gives “just change” each week we will be able to fully support these victims of injustice.

Legacy Milestones will provide a bank for each family to use during their weekly faith talk. At each faith talk parents encourage their children to bring change to help the girls in India. Included is a series of faith talks parents can use to help their family understand the issue in an age-appropriate way and to teach the Scriptures concerning our role as promoters of God’s justice in the world today. In this way we will teach our families to think of others who so desperately need our help.

Final Thoughts

As parents we do not have to be perfect to raise “On Mission” children. Consider taking intentional steps to lead your child to experience missions in daily life before he ever leaves home.


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Categories : For Church Leaders, Parenting

Just Change

15 01 2010

Just Change… Where Family and Missions Collide


“One home at a time” conjures pictures in our minds of suburban families seeking to lead the next generation biblically. We think of our children and our homes as we walk the path of Legacy Milestones. In order for the world to know the justice of God we must also think of other children and other homes.

Kingsland’s Go Beyond Missions Ministry has established a partnership with a safe house in Kolkata, India. This safe house is a place where girls who have been rescued from forced commercial sex are taken to live. The girls receive counseling, are given help to get off the drugs given to them by their oppressors to make them compliant, and are given education and taught a vocational trade. The staff of this home works to return girls to the families from whom they were kidnapped and to relocate girls sold into slavery by their own parents.

Kingsland’s Legacy Milestone Ministry is partnering with our Go Beyond Missions Ministry to raise the monies needed each month to provide for the safety and needs of these young girls. If every family gives “just change” each week we will be able to fully support these victims of injustice.

Legacy Milestones will provide a bank for each family to use during their weekly faith talk. At each faith talk encourage your children to bring change to help the girls in India. Included is a series of faith talks you can use to help your family understand the issue in an age appropriate way and to teach the Scriptures concerning our role as promoters of God’s justice in the world today. In this way we will teach our families to think of others who so desperately need our help.

Pick up a little red bank home on February 7 at Parent Summit. When you see it, remember the safe house and the young girls that will be rescued and rehabilitated. Put it in an obvious place and encourage everyone to deposit “just change.”

Let’s go beyond … one home at a time.


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Categories : Faith Talks, For Church Leaders, Milestones

Understanding Family Ministry?

8 01 2010

This week I spoke to several leaders seeking a simple definition of family ministry. What is it? What does it look like? Here is a short answer from a big picture viewpoint.

Out of shear necessity 21st century American evangelicals are diligently working to define “Family Ministry.” A sense of urgency stems from a recent awakening to the cold hard facts as presented by leading sociologist Christian Smith and supported by the research team of George Barna. Truly, during the greatest years of programmatic development and with an abundance of practical resources, the discipleship ministry of the local church has not produced a generation of adults who embrace a biblical worldview. The missing link is not another well executed program at church but instead a return to God’s original plan for spiritual formation. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and dozens of other passages point to the family as the leading vehicle for discipleship. As the church is rediscovering this ancient truth, it is struggling for strategic practice.

Understanding family ministry is more about adjusting our practice of spiritual formation. Family ministry is spiritual formation and spiritual formation is family ministry. Biblically, the two should not be separated. The family and the local church are two sides of the same “discipleship” coin working together to form the next generation in Christ. To this end the strategic process of family ministry in a local church can be seen as the life path of spiritual formation for any person seeking to follow Christ and grow in him. The older generation is always leading the younger to grow spiritually (Psalm 78). The church equips (Ephesians 4:11-12) adults of all ages to make disciples. When those adults are also parents the church works to equip and resource them to effectively disciple their own children. This shift in thinking is the essence of strategic family ministry practice.

To learn how this definition of Family Ministry can make sense for your church visit http://legacymilestones.com or read Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today.


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Categories : For Church Leaders, Frequently Asked Questions

Help Teenagers Deal with Death

18 12 2009

This week a teenager in our student ministry was tragically killed in a car accident.  This post is specifically for all of the Katy, Texas area parents trying to help their teenagers deal with a traumatic situation.  I pray that it might also help parents, teachers, pastors, and youth workers who need to lead teenagers through “the valley of the shadow of death.”

Death is no stranger in Houston, Texas. Just watch the news tonight and you will learn of atrocities, crimes, and accidents, that occurred all over our city today resulting in death for someone. Sometimes what seems like distant news on most evenings hits too close to home as was the case this week for Katy area teenagers. The death of another teenager, especially a friend or family member, has a profound impact in any community. Students struggle for answers and seek to cope. As adults involved in the lives of teenagers we can help them deal with the reality of death.

Here are a few suggestions:

  • Be available: Certainly life is busy. In the face of death, teenagers need a person to depend on. Parents need to intentionally slow down and make themselves available. Just be around. Grief is not something that can be scheduled. Most teenagers will start talking when they are ready. That might be late at night or early in the morning. The most important thing you can do is to be there at the right time. Since teenagers instantly turn to their own peers for answers, allow your home to be the place students can hang out together in this time of sadness. Keep the cookies coming and just be there. Don’t be too busy to be with your teenager during a very confusing time.
  • Listen: The best thing you can do as a parent or youth leader is to listen. Minimize the distractions in your life and take the time to listen to them. Be patient and don’t force conversation. When they are ready to talk… listen. Look them in the eyes and give them freedom to process their feelings. Try not to talk much at all. Instead take mental note of everything the teenager is saying. Are they mad or sad? Are they confused and hurt? Do they fear their own mortality. Listen with concern and a desire to empathize. Offer hugs and security. Even though they look more grown up they often feel like a lost child when thinking about death.
  • Answer their questions biblically: When you do provide answers avoid what I call “religious cheese.”  Statements like “She’s in a better place.” or “God must have wanted her home.” Just a side note.  We cannot blame death on God. Saying something like “God just wanted her home” implies that God is a murderer and a puppet master. If you don’t know the answer to a question simply say, “I don’t know.” Don’t make things up in an attempt to comfort. Avoid that religious garbage and instead offer biblical answers. One of my favorite passages to show people in the midst of anguish over death is 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.  Here is the first part.  “But we do not want you to be uninformed brothers about those who are asleep that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord will not precede those who have fallen asleep.” Read the rest of the passage today.  You will find answers to many common questions associated with death.
  • Give them room to feel:  It is important to give teenagers permission to feel deeply. Different personalities deal with emotions in unique ways. Some people talk openly or cry freely. Others internalize and want to be alone. Still others want to cry but can’t. Let them feel what they are feeling and don’t force a particular way of expressing that emotion. If your teenager internalizes don’t immediately conclude he is suicidal. Occasionally offer your presence and listening ear. He will talk when He is ready. If your teenager is open with her feelings sit and listen. Do not tell her how to feel. Acknowledge her feelings as perfectly legitimate and give her positive ways to express those feelings. Someone who internalizes might do well to write about how they are feeling. Someone who is experience intense anger benefits from running, screaming, or hit a punching bag. Others who are sad need to weep. These are valid emotional responses. Give them room to feel what they feel and gently coach them to express. Sometimes Christians think everyone should have the magical “peace that passes understanding.” In anguish and suffering sometimes Jesus, the prince of peace, just holds us as we strongly feel emotion. He created us with emotions. Don’t stifle that process.
  • Know where to go for help: As a parent or a youth leader of any type, know where to go if you need help. You may sense that a teenager is in trouble and is spiraling downward emotionally. You probably know your teenager better than anyone. If you sense they need help beyond what you can offer, know where to go to find the assistance you need. Your church is a great starting point. Many pastors can help and they are typically connected with counselors who can offer professional therapy. In the Katy area you are welcome to call my office, 281.492.0785 and speak to me or to any of our counselors on staff if you need some help. Know that I am praying for you as you shepherd the hearts of teenagers all over this community.

In just a few hours we will host a funeral for 16 year old Taylor Contreras at Kingsland. Our students are hurting and her family is devastated. Please pray for them. Some students from Morton Ranch High School posted a tribute to Taylor on Youtube. Watch it here and pray for her family and the many teenagers who are connected to her relationally.





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Categories : For Church Leaders, Parenting

Parent Summit: Pastors Track 2010

10 12 2009

Church Leaders, please join us for a two day event, February 5 and 6, 2010.  Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas

Register online at www.legacymilestones.com

As church leaders we are all learning every day. One of the great movements of God in western culture  is to re-establish a strategic connection between the church and the family to disciple the next generation. If you look closely you will see evidence of this movement emerging from several different voices. I see it in the Faith at Home movement championed by pastor and author Mark Holmen. I hear it in the Orange movement led by Reggie Joiner. I hear it in the writings of Kurt Bruner and John Trent. Seminaries like Southern Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky and Southwestern Seminary in Forth Worth, Texas  are equipping the next generation of pastors to define discipleship as a church and home process. God is causing a monumental shift in ecclesiology, reminding us of the ancient path of Deuteronomy 6:4-9.  Churches are embracing this movement and discovering strategic models to help them equip the family and intern equip the next generation.  Its on God’s heart so it’s on our heart.

I am privileged to serve at Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas.  For several years we have been practicing an integrated strategy linking church and family called the path of legacy milestones.  It’s not a perfect model but it is effective.  I recently detailed the model in my book Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today published by group publishing in 2009.  The strategy is transferable and customizeable to your unique ministry context.  It is intentional and gives parents a clear plan for leading their children spiritually.

I would like to invite you to join me and our staff for Parent Summit: Pastors Track 2010.  On Friday from lunch until 5:00 we will work with you to help you understand the strategy.  You will get face time with our Preschool Minister, Children’s Minister, Student Pastor, Adult Discipleship Pastor, and Senior Pastor to discuss the strategy from the perspective of your ministry role.  I will of course be there to help you see how your church can make this Biblical shift in the way it practices spiritual formation.  On Saturday you will participate in Parent Summit.  This event, offered twice a year, is the place parents at Kingsland come to find motivation, direction, and equipping for their family journey.  You will be a fly on the wall in our parent seminars and general sessions.  We will have a special leader lunch so that you can ask questions about Parent Summit and how it works behind the scenes.

Our prayer is that together we will learn from each other and somehow we can help you move forward in your desire to develop effective family ministry and equip the generations one home at a time. For more information or to register visit us at www.legacymilestones.com. The event is open to the first 100 church leaders who register.  Thanks for all you do to equip families.  Hope you can join us.

Parent Summit: Pastors Track 2010 info flyer

Blessings,

Brian Haynes

Associate Pastor-Kingsland Baptist Church

Author of Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today


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A Guide for Building Legacy by Equipping Parents

22 10 2009

I have three daughters (10, 7, and 2) that I love deeply.  My wife and I often talk about what life will be like for them in another thirty years.   I have a dream for them that I take to God in prayer almost every day.  The dream is one of Godly legacy.  Faith in Christ passed down from my wife and me to our daughters and from our daughters to our grandchildren and great grandchildren.   We pray that the generations to come from our family would love the Lord their God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength. It’s a simple request but one the culture pushes back against in its post-modernity.

How is it that the local church has the greatest children’s and youth ministries in the history of western civilization and yet produces a generation of young adults who “compartmentalize” their faith in Christ at best?  I dream of a day when the kids being equipped at my church and yours become adults who make decisions about relationships, family, marriage, morality, and life path based on their deep conviction that all of their life belongs to Christ.  The status quo however indicates that despite all of our technology, resources, programming, and professionalism we are somehow missing the boat of effective spiritual formation.  In what ways do we need to shift our thinking and our methods in order to hurl a legacy of faith into the next generation?

What Does the Bible Say?

Most of our spiritual formation practices in the local church reveal a fundamental belief that all discipleship takes place inside church buildings on one maybe two days of the week.  When we compare our practice with the theology of spiritual formation it is possible that a disconnect will be revealed.  Follow this biblical path of spiritual formation with me.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

These commands that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Psalm 78:5-7

He decreed statues for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.  Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.

Matthew 28:19-20

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age.

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

When you follow this thread of Scripture it is easy to discover that God’s plan is to partner the work of the family and the work of the church to disciple children.  If you are like me, you know exactly what to do at church to lead children but how do you push discipleship back into to the home? How do you equip mom and dad to disciple their own children?

The Shift: 7 Legacy Milestones

At Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas where I serve as Associate Pastor, we call this strategy “Legacy Milestones.”  We constantly encourage parents to “walk the path of Legacy Milestones,” leading their children as they go.   We provide a common path of spiritual formation integrating the leadership of parents at home and the discipleship process at church. It is one simple path composed of seven legacy milestones. We equip parents to lead faith talks and capitalize on God Moments along the way leading their child toward the next milestone.   Our strategy at church focuses on a Bible Study process and a series of events and experiences, ushering children toward the next milestone.  The family and the church walk the same path celebrating milestones along the way.  Rest assured, this is not complicated.

A milestone is “an event preceded by a period of instruction from parents which celebrates a spiritual development point in a child’s life.”   When you think about the practice of your church, most likely events or celebrations highlighting milestones already exist.  Do you have any type of baby dedication at church?  How about baptism?  Have you done anything lately to help your children prepare for adolescence?  Do you host a True Love Waits event? Do you celebrate graduation with High School seniors and their families?  I am betting you do some or all of these things.  Now it is simply a matter of aligning these events along a common path allowing the church and the parent to partner effectively to equip the next generation.

Here is how it shakes out at Kingsland.  We lead people toward seven legacy milestones as they walk a path of growth in Christ.

Milestone 1: Parent/Baby Dedication

Milestone 2: Faith Commitment

Milestone 3: Preparing for Adolescence

Milestone 4; Purity for Life

Milestone 5: Right of Passage

Milestone 6: High School Graduation

Milestone 7: Life in Christ

We view the milestones as spiritual growth points along the path of life beginning with milestone 1 and extending through milestone 7.  Between each milestone there are age appropriate core competencies derived from Scripture that a person must learn and experience as they journey toward the next milestone.  We teach these core competencies in the context of children, student, and adult ministries using vehicles like Sunday school, small groups and events. The church serves as a community for all people to grow in their walk along the path.  Pastors and ministry leaders serve a significant role as guides along the path for the parent and the child.

With each milestone we offer parenting training, faith talk resources, campus events, and family celebration ideas to help parents lead their children along the path.  Milestones give parents markers along the way to help them stay on course during the long journey of leading a child spiritually from infancy to adulthood.   The simplicity of this approach in practice is the beauty of the strategy.  Take what you are already doing, rethink your practice with the family in mind, and maximize milestones for a spiritual formation process linking church and home.  Discipleship involves church and family.  Spiritual formation is best when parents become the effective primary faith influencers in the life of their children.

4 Key Parent Behaviors:

It is not enough to show parents the milestones strategy and tell them they need to lead their children spiritually.  The church has to go the extra mile to teach parents how to lead their children.  We work hard to teach parents 4 key behaviors that should become a regular part of their family life.

1) Leading Intentional Faith Talks

Faith talks are the platform from which parents formally teach their kids the Bible every week.  Another word for “Faith Talk” is family devotion.  We ask parents to lead a planned faith talk at least once a week.  The faith talk each week considers where the children in the family are along the milestone path and what core competencies they need to learn.  By leading this devotion parents intentionally teach their children truth necessary for the journey.

2) Capturing God Moments

God Moments are those little teaching opportunities God provides as you are simply living life.  You have to be around to catch them.  When God throws them your way, you speak into your child’s life from a biblical perspective.  We teach parents to pray for God moments.  Pray for the wisdom to see them and to insert Biblical truth into the circumstance.  God uses the pathways of life to mold the next generation.  If a parent can be their along the way to influence biblically, God moments become an amazing vehicle for spiritual formation.

3) Celebrating Legacy Milestones

Legacy Milestones is the strategy Kingsland uses to help parents pass on Christian doctrine and life application to their children.  Milestones are celebrated as a parent leads a child to progress in his or her faith by teaching them Scripture and modeling life in Christ.  As a child leaves one phase and begins another, the family celebrates God’s work in growing the child.  The strategy capitalizes on natural points of growth in the spiritual life cycle by celebrating the work of God in a life.  The path of Legacy Milestones gives the church and the family a road map clearly directing the next generation to a biblical life in Christ.

4) Authentically Model Life in Christ

The most important aspect of all of this is how parents live in front of their children.  Authenticity is key.  Leading Faith Talks, capturing God Moments, and celebrating Legacy Milestones becomes empty religion when a parent lives differently than what they teach.  There is no need to be perfect, only authentic.  Live so the next generation can see what life in Christ looks like.

4 Key Church Behaviors:

1) Make Adult Disciples

Milestone 7: Life in Christ, is our secret weapon in the battle for the next generation.  If we do not make adult disciples we will not raise up parents who can lead their children spiritually. Lead adults to learn the Bible and live accordingly.  Use vehicles like worship, small groups,  seminars, and opportunities to serve to help adults grow in their faith experience.  Teach adults to make disciples. Help them see their important role in the lives of others. Do this for every adult; younger or older, single, married, kids, no kids.  But… when they have kids, teach them that their first priority in making disciples is their own children.

2) Equip Parents Specifically

Work hard to equip parents to lead.  Twice a year we host an event called Parent Summit.  Adults come for motivation and encouragement.  They learn to identify where their children are on the path of legacy milestones.  They learn to lead faith talks.  Every milestone has a parent seminar designed to demonstrate how parents  can help their kids walk toward the next milestone. 3-4 times a year we use or small groups as a platform for Take Home Sunday.  We write a lesson tailored for every adult season of life.  We use Take Home Sunday to teach parents something important related to faith training.  We have hit on topics like Faith Talks, God Moments, the Family Table, Prayer and other important issues.   These are just some ways to equip parents through the ministry of the church.

3)  Be the Village

We have all heard the quote, “It takes a village.”  In this case it really does.  Children and youth need other faith influences in their lives  echoing the truth parents are teaching at home.  The church is literally the village or the community that provides other relationships as part of the tapestry of spiritual formation.  Ministry volunteers working with children and students play a vital role adding validity to the life and teaching of parents and serving as encourages, coaches, teachers, and listeners for the next generation.

4)  Be the Primary Faith Influencer for many children and youth

There will always be children and youth whose parents do not lead them spiritually for whatever reason.  In this case the church must take the lead as the primary faith influence.  We are learning to be very intentionally about pinpointing what parents walk the path of legacy milestones with their children as well as those that do not.  When parents are not involved, the church takes the lead.

You Can Do This!

I think we all want to be a part of hurling Godly legacy into the next generation.  As a dad, I pray the next generation of Christ-followers lives according to a Biblical worldview.  For that to happen we need to act now, but it’s not rocket science.  The Bible teaches the family to engage in the process.  We have to teach families how.  It may seem overwhelming to think about strategic change but in reality the shift makes church life less complex.  Find a way to build a common path for church and home for the sake of the next generation.

For more information read “Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today” or visit www.legacymilestones.com


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Author Response to the SHIFT blog tour

13 10 2009

A group of Children’s Ministry Leaders from the United States and Canada recently allowed my book, Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today, to travel their blogs. They read the book from a Children’s Pastor perspective and gave their thoughts on the book as a practical help for ministry leaders. Thanks to each contributor for reading and responding. You can visit all of their blogs to read their responses by clicking the links below. For the record, I only know one of these leaders personally. We come from different backgrounds, a wide range of training, and hugely different ministry cultures.  That’s what makes this really cool!

October 1 – Liz Perraud at http://thelogosministry.wordpress.com

October 2 – James Giroux at http://jamesgiroux.ca

October 3 – Lorraine Seaman http://www.rockrunner.blogs.com/al

October 4 – Larry Shallenberger http://childrensministryandculture.wordpress.com

October 5 – Tim Inman at http://blog.inmans.org/

October 6 – Joshua Simpson http://pjsperspective.wordpress.com

October 7 – Micah Foster http://micahfoster.wordpress.com

October 8 – Amy Dolan at http://lemonlimekids.wordpress.com

October 9 – Jesse Smith http://www.sillypuppies.com/bookworm

October 10 – Michael Chanley http://pureconnect.org

October 11 – Gina McClain at http://www.ginamcclain.com

October 12 – Henry Zonio at http://www.elementalcm.com

As the author of Shift it was both uplifting and insightful to hear people passionate about leading kids spiritually weigh in on the content of my book. I am really grateful for all of your work. I hope I get to meet each of you somewhere along the way. There were several threads common to some of the blogs. I would clarify 4 things for the reader.

1) I wrote the book understanding that most practitioners already get the church side of the coin. It does take a village but spiritual formation is best when parents play an effective lead role in that process. My strategy does not debate the need for church. Instead we partner church and home intentionally. Certainly we connect kids with other leaders and children besides the family. Community is a huge part of our strategy. We don’t leave kids out who will never be led by their parents spiritually for whatever reason.

2) About cookie cutters: I don’t expect my book to produce a bunch of Kingsland clones. At the same time the foundational principles are very transferable and systematic for churches seeking to build a strategy that includes family in the discipleship process. I would not have written the book if I thought the basic principles would not work in thousands of churches. From the contributors I got a sense that they felt this strategy is only for the traditional family. Bad assumption. If you have not noticed, there really are not many traditional families left. I live in one of the most diverse cities in the world. We deal with all of it so I see it working in all kinds of families.

3) It is important to view the path of milestones as a journey involving church and home.  When a family and a church commits to the journey they understand something.  The time between each milestone is necessary. You need days, months, and years between Milestones for your children to mature, learn, and grow.  The church and the family uses these days to invest in children. So, while it is easy to say there is too much time between each milestone as a critique, practically the time is necessary for growth and development of the child and intentionality by the family and the church. It is in the “in between times” that worship, Bible study, community, Faith Talks, God Sightings,and events serve as environments to help people grow. Milestones are not the only thing we do.  In between we use children’s ministry, student ministry, and adult ministry to help people grow.  The shift then is to give families a road map and show them how your ministry helps them along the way.

4) Finally I would say to some contributors, you are only half right in your understanding of Dt. 6:4-9. Dt. 6:4-9 is a “both and”… the people of Israel and the family. Having spent many weeks immersed in the culture and context of the Shema and many hours studying the Torah portions under messianic teachers I have learned the practical out lay is around the family table or in the context of life together as family. So yes, there is a strong sense of spiritual formation in community but equally there is a strong sense of spiritual formation in the family as the primary (not the only) environment for equipping the next generation. When you follow the thread of Dt. 6, Psalm 78, Proverbs, Matthew 22:46-40, Matthew 28:18-20, Ephesians 4:11-12 and Eph. 6:4 you find a beautiful partnership. It speaks organically to generations but also to parents in those generations. This is what the western church is missing. I think this may be why God is using many different voices to echo the same truth. To neglect either the church or the family in the spiritual formation process is unbiblical. They work together… organically.

Again, thanks for the conversation. I am so grateful that you each took the time to read the book and blog. Let’s continue the conversation. It is far from over.

Blessings!

Brian



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D6 Conference: A Glimpse of God’s Plan!

30 09 2009

I just returned from an incredible week in Frisco, Texas. I had the honor of attending and speaking at the D6 conference designed to motivate church leaders to think about their ecclesiology in light of Deuteronomy 6:4-9. The Scripture reads as follows:

“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

I watched as 1600 church leaders invaded the Embassy Suites/Frisco convention center to rediscover the ancient path of spiritual formation. For a long time the church has discipled children for the family instead of with the family. Now, because of God’s call back to the original plan found in Dt. 6., 21st century churches are rediscovering family as the primary environment for the development of the next generation of Christ followers.  I listened as Darren Whitehead told of Willow Creek’s journey along the ancient path catapulting them toward a gut wrenching conclusion for the church. In God’s plan, according to the Scriptures, the family is Plan A and the  church is Plan B when it comes to equipping the next generation.

It is that kind of thinking defining the edge of what I would call a sizable move of God in our generation. Jesus himself is calling the church to disciple and equip parents to be the primary faith influencers in the lives of their children. The church then seeks to partner with the family and provides a plan to connect church and home.  In effect the church is rightly practicing Ephesians 4:11-12.

The question becomes HOW?  How can the church make a clear shift in its thought and practice as to bolster the ability of parents to train their children spiritually? What has to change?  What stays the same?

As part of the D6 conference Kurt Bruner, Jay Strother, and I presented potential answers to the how question. Each model, unique in its own right, is built on D6 principles. As you seek to lead your church to make the shift I implore you to look at the existing models and seek the Lord.  I am certain the principles will stay the same but the model may be unique to your ministry context.

Here are a couple of resources I can provide:

Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today (Click Here to Order)

www.legacymilestones.com (Click the Church Leaders side for helpful info and free downloads)

Thanks to Ron Hunter, Matt Markins, and the entire team at Randall House for giving us a glimpse of God’s Plan for the church!



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SHIFT FAQ: How Did You Start?

14 08 2009

Recently I received 2 questions from Tom Bump, Children’s Pastor at Country and Town Baptist Church in Mechanicsburg, PA. The questions revolved around how we started our Milestones implementation at Kingsland. I thought it might be helpful to share the  questions Tom asked and the answers I offered him. Thanks Tom for going the extra mile to equip families and the next generation!

Question 1: Did you survey your congregation before beginning Milestones?  If so, what kind of questions did you ask?

We did survey the congregation before we implemented the legacy milestones strategy at Kingsland. The survey was an important part of our preliminary work. When we did the survey we had not yet developed our plan to equip the family as the primary faith training vehicle. We used a survey called “Family Needs Survey” produced by Family Life Ministries in Little Rock, Arkansas. The survey produced a 100 page report giving us good information about how our families felt they were doing as primary faith influencers. The results were not encouraging but definitely became catalytic. It was the results of the survey that caused us to determine the need to spend more energy equipping parents to disciple their own children… as they walk along the road, lie down, and get up.

Not every church will choose to use such an extensive survey. I think it is perfectly fine to develop your own survey to find out just exactly how involved parents are in the spiritual development process of their children. I would ask  questions like…

  • Do you lead a family devotion or an intentional faith talk at least once a week?
  • Do you use teachable moments (God Sightings) along the way to build your child’s faith?
  • Do you pray with your children other than at meal times?
  • If you are married, do you pray with your spouse about your children?
  • Do you bless your children by praying scriptural blessing over them.
  • Do you help your children memorize Scripture?

You can certainly add to the list but the principle is the same. You want to find out what your people are doing and you want to use the survey to make them aware that they need to be doing certain things. If you can use an organization like Family Life, great. If not just make your own.

Question 2: When you hosted your first Parent Summit did you offer seminars for every milestone or did you just offer a few?

When we hosted our first Parent Summit we offered seminars for 6 of the 7 milestones. By the way, you can download those seminars at www.legacymilestones.com. (We are currently rewriting them but  the seminars will give you a great picture of how we started.)  You may choose to start more slowly.  Think about offering seminars for Milestones 1-3 if you can’t do all of them initially. This will cover parents with kids from infancy to 5th grade. Then think about adding parents with teenagers to the second round by offering Milestones 4-7. If you have a very small church this can actually become less of a seminar and more of a meeting around the table with the 3 families who have children “Preparing for Adolescence – Milestone 3″ in your church. In other words, make it fit your context and don’t let our model at Kingsland overwhelm you.  Start where you are and let us help where we can.


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Urgent Plea to Youth Pastors Everywhere!

6 07 2009

If you are a Youth Pastor you get it. You have seen it too many times. You invest in a kid spiritually only to have the Jesus fire quenched by the most powerful influencers in their lives: their parents. Leading youth spiritually means equipping and encouraging parents to take the lead as primary faith influences according to God’s original plan for spiritual formation in Deuteronomy 6:4-9. One question. How does your youth ministry focus in that direction?

We are in a new day. Studies like “Reveal” from Willow Creek as well as many student ministry influencers across the country like Steve Wright in Raleigh, North Carolina, Richard Ross from SWBTS, and Bubba Thurman of Lakepointe Point Church in Rockwall, and a host of others are seeing student ministry in a biblical light. They and you get the findings of Christian Smith’s work, “Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers.” The Church today has the greatest youth ministry programs of all times; if you measure numbers, resources, and creative programing. Sadly we are developing a generation of Christ-followers who compartmentalize their faith and in fact abandon it in the young adult years. What is the missing link?

I am simple minded. If spiritual formation is a strategy of God Himself, we should do it His way. The Bible presents a plan for discipleship that partners the family with the New Testament church. Follow this thread. Dt. 6:4-9, Psalm 78, Proverbs, Mt. 22:36-40, Mt. 28:18-20, Eph. 4:11-12, Eph.6:4 just to name the majors. The picture you get from the Scripture is a Great Commission church that encourages, equips, and empowers family as the important vehicle for spiritual formation.

We need to wrestle with a strategic question in student ministry How do we link youth ministry and the family to equip the next generation of Christ-followers? What does that look like in your context, culture, and community? I have been wrestling with this question specific to my context for over 5 years. We have made some significant progress! Take a look at our strategy:

www.legacymilestones.com.

I hope the strategy becomes catalytic in your mind. How can you link church and family to equip the youth of your church? Wrestle with it. Partner with other age group ministries in your church. Family is the most important experience of any persons life. How do you influence that environment? I think family is the setting of a coming Spiritual Awakening in America. Our struggle is a Kingdom initiative. Let’s do this thing together!


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