Christian Moms: Pursue Career or Stay at Home?

8 03 2010

Whether they are in the workforce or stay home many feel guilty. Why?

It is probably a really dumb idea for a guy to try and tackle such an important subject for women. The only reason I bring it up is that it seems like such a “walking on eggshells” topic. People typically have very definite opinions and sometimes offer harsh judgements towards one choice or the other. I recently conducted a very unscientific facebook query mostly to determine the level of emotion associated with the topic. Of course facebook does not provide unbiased results. Most of our friends on facebook probably share similar viewpoints to our own. That’s why they are our “friends.” However, even among ‘friends” this topic provides what I consider a volatile diversity of opinion.

One interesting trend I have noted as a pastor, counselor, husband, and friend is that in general, whether mothers choose to work or stay home, they feel a level of guilt associated with the decision. Again, I am generalizing here. Some work and feel no guilt. Some stay at home and feel no guilt. Generally however, moms that work feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children and mom’s that stay home feel guilty about not using their college degree or their professional skills to contribute to the family finances.

The choice in and of itself is not so cut and dry. Some mom’s have to work just to make ends meet. Some mothers work because a man put them in a bad situation. Some mom’s choose to work for a variety of other reasons and some choose to stay home with differing degrees of financial sacrifice. In any case, the guilt is still generally apparent. My question is why?

Why Christian Mothers Feel Guilty?

I run the risk of oversimplifying a complicated issue but allow me to make some observations.

Some Working Christian moms feel guilty for several reasons:
❑        Some “stay at home proponents” in the church pass judgements heaping guilt on their heads.
❑        They love their children and want to stay home with them but they can’t.
❑        They love their professional life more than they love their home life and they feel they shouldn’t.
❑        They are experiencing real conviction because their choices are motivated by sin.

Some Stay at home Christian moms feel guilty for several reasons:
❑        They are sometimes jokingly labeled as stupid and unproductive.
❑        They earned a degree and feel like they wasted a lot of energy if they were “just” going to stay home.
❑        Feminism, which dominates media and  education, creates a cultural bias against stay at home moms.
❑        They could feel genuine conviction for being lazy or because they make the family an idol.

How Can You Overcome Guilt?

One word. Abide. No matter the issue, guilt stems from a disconnection from Christ that effects our will and emotions. Take time now and read John 15. The chapter details the benefits of abiding with Christ. Here is my favorite part.

“As the Father has loved me so I love you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” -John 15:9-11

When we abide in Christ we are choosing to do life His way. When we do life his way, guilt goes away and instead we have joy. The big question is what commandments must I keep? Jesus answers the question.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” -John 15:12

Therefore love trumps all. When we abide we receive love from the Father and freely love others in a sacrificial way. This is the pattern of a guilt free life. How does that apply to our original question… To work or not to work? The question can only be answered by asking this. “In what way can I best love the others in my life as I abide in Christ? By working outside the home or by staying home? Depending on situations and circumstances this answer could be different for different people and different families in differing seasons of life. By the way, the greatest examples of sacrificial love are often seen in motherhood. No question in our family sacrificial love oozes from mom. Be encouraged and abide in Christ. Throw off guilt but embrace conviction. Conviction is His way of telling you its time to reconnect. It’s a good thing. Jesus is your source whether you stay at home or drive to work each day.

My thoughts as a Husband and father of three (count em’ 3) daughters.

Why am I so interested in this subject? My wife and I are raising three daughters that will one day be women, possibly married, possibly with children. How do we lead them?

When our first daughter was born, we decided together that Angie would stay home. We have never had any tension over that because she felt called and excited to be a stay at home mom. Her work at home provides huge benefits for our daughters. I thought we were going to die at first financially because she was the major bread winner as a super smart accountant. We survived and in fact thrived, and for that provision, I am grateful. Angela experiences good days and bad days as a mom just like everyone else. What we have found is that the balance and peace Angela brings to our family outweighs any amount of financial compensation or professional kudos she would get if she were still working for a huge accounting firm. Does that mean she will never work again? Who knows? We just know for now she is called to be home. This is the model that our daughters see demonstrated every day. Likely this family of origin experience will dramatically effect their beliefs about what they should do as a mother.

We came to this decision as we thought about the spiritual formation of our children. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 compels us as parents to teach the commands of God to our children as we walk along the road. Our decision for Angela to stay home largely stems from a deep desire to be around in order to influence our children in the mundane, every day of life… as they walk along the road.

So what will we say to our girls? We will say, “Get as much education as you possibly can get. Learn a trade, a profession, a skill. Understand that you and Christ are enough. If Jesus leads you to marry and have children then understand that being a wife and a mother is a high calling. Take into account the Scripture, your relationship with Christ and ask yourself how you can love others best as you abide.”

Ok… let the comments begin. I am braced and ready. Everything above is in love and from a heart that wants moms to experience joy that comes from abiding in Christ and making decisions that are a reflection of that relationship.





I Can’t Get Them Out of My Mind

26 02 2010

You may know that I am the father of 3 daughters. Lately, when I look into their smiling dark eyes, I can not stop thinking of little girls in India whose dark eyes don’t smile at all.  Instead looking into their eyes is like looking into a black hole that spews hopelessness.  A cruel world filled with evil steals the innocence of young girls and tramples their sense of worth and value under the feet of perverse men.  Call it what you will… human trafficking, sex slavery, or whatever.  The reality is, a little girl wired a lot like my daughters, is naked, cold, abused, and hopeless.  She needs saving. She deserves rescue.  We must demand justice.

But what can I do?

Last Sunday night in our family faith talk, we used the “JUST CHANGE” family devotion guide and taught our girls in an age appropriate way about the injustice in India and Houston for that matter.  We learned that God is a God of justice and He uses us as his hands and feet to bring justice to little girls in desperation. We told them about Kingsland’s safehouse and how we can really help.  ”What can we do?” they asked.

We showed them our “JUST CHANGE” bank and encouraged them to bring their change to our family faith talk each week. By giving a little they are helping to provide for the safety of young girls in need of security. We prayed for the girls in India and asked God to use us to help them.

Soon, the “JUST CHANGE” bank will be full.  We will take the money to church and it will go directly to India to rescue little girls.  It seems like a little thing until I look into the eyes of my daughters. I can’t imagine them in that situation.  Let’s do something to provide the justice of the Father for little girls in need of ABBA.

Use the “JUST CHANGE” faith talk with your family and collect “JUST CHANGE.” Bring it in each month and then start over again.  Pick up your copy of the faith talk and your “JUST CHANGE” bank for free in the Legacy Resource Center at Kingsland this Sunday.

For more information on how Kingsland is assisting with justice issues visit http://kingslandjustice.com





D6 Conference 2010: An Important Gathering!

16 02 2010

If you have not already heard the buzz there is a great new conference out there for church leaders, pastors, and parents.  It is called the D6 Conference and it is designed to remind the church of Dt. 6:4-9 in its practice.  At the core D6 is about helping ministry leaders partner with and equip the family as the primary place of faith influence for the up and coming generations. How do we equip parents to lead their children biblically?

If you are trying to solve the family ministry or spiritual formation question at your church you need to come to this conference.  We are asking and answering some difficult questions.  In fact the whole conference theme is “Frequently Asked Questions.” Let’s learn from each other.  I hope to see you there.  Register at http://d6conference.com

Watch a short promo clip here as Mark Holmen, Ed Stetzer, and I (Brian Haynes) ask the tough questions.

more about “D6 Conference 2010“, posted with vodpod




Trust the Lord With the Impossible

12 02 2010

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” -Exodus 14:14

As a person driven by intentionality, remaining silent is difficult. Sometimes all there is to do is to be silent. There are some things we can not handle even with intentionality. Buried in the story of the Exodus is a verse that amazes me. “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” When Moses said this to the people they were literally between a rock and a hard place. In front of them, the Red sea and behind them, the mighty armies of Egypt.

As most of us would do in this kind of desperate situation, the people of Israel began to complain and whine and place blame on Moses and God. In perhaps one of the most compelling motivational speeches in the Bible Moses said to the people…

“Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you and you have only to be silent.”

Why would the Lord fight for me? In Exodus 14 He had a couple of motives. First, He loved His chosen people. Second, He always keeps His promises, and finally, He is determined for the world to know He is God. (Exodus 14:18)

As a follower of Christ the same is true for you. The Lord will fight for you in the impossible places. You have only to be silent.

There is one thing though. Check out Exodus 14:15. “Tell the people of Israel to go forward.” It seems that at the same time we are called to silently trust, we are also required to take an obedient step forward. For the people of Israel this meant stepping forward into a massive body of water. That kind of forward movement requires an act of trust.

Here is the take away. When faced with the impossible be it your marriage, kids, finances, career, etc., in your obedience, silently trust knowing the Lord is fighting for you. Take a step forward in faith. After all He loves you, you are His chosen people, and in the end His Name will be glorified through your impossible circumstances.





Embrace Imperfection

9 02 2010

This may be the shortest post I have ever written.  At the same time it is really important so listen up.

Last week my wife began teaching a class for our church based on Vicki Courtney’s material “5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter.” As Angela prepared she came across a quote that has impacted me and given me hope as a parent.  This is the quote to the best of my memory.

“We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world raising imperfect children.  How could we even begin to expect perfection?”

So… parent with intentionality but let yourself off the perfection hook.  Have a plan but expect to to fail sometimes. Have the faith talks, catch the God moments, and celebrate the milestones but don’t demand perfection. Afterall even the Perfect Father has imperfect kids.






On Mission Families

26 01 2010

On Mission Families
How Parents Can Lead Their Children to Love Others

A Parent’s Perspective

My wife and I love to serve alongside our three daughters (Hailey 10, Madelyn 7, and Eden 2). We think it is an important part of their spiritual formation as young Christ-followers. Our family mantra echoes the words of Jesus in Matthew 22:37-40. We believe biblical parenting involves raising children to become adults who “love God and love people” by living the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20).

Though we are young in our parenting, we know our children will only embrace an on mission lifestyle as we lead them with intentionality. So how can parents involve their children in the Great Commission as they grow from infancy to adulthood?

People of Influence

The Great Commission calls every follower of Jesus Christ to become a person of influence because of the authority of our King. This influence is given by God and is executed relationally. Not worldly influence that comes from money or status. Instead this is a salty influence that attracts others because of the beauty of Christ in us as we follow Him. Our children need to learn how to be persons of influence and observe as we demonstrate this kind of influence if they are to embrace a Great Commission lifestyle. We teach our children that Jesus puts us in obvious places where everyone can see us so other people can learn about Jesus and His love.

Angela (my wife) and I started teaching this concept very early on with our girls. Since infancy my girls listen as we pray over them at bedtime. Our nightly prayer goes something like this: “Lord Jesus, would You bless her and keep her and make Your face shine on her (Numbers 6:24) and would You use her in this world for Your Glory, that Your Name would be made more famous in the lives of people on our street and around the planet throughout the generations.”

We demonstrate this influence by making our home a place of hospitality first and foremost to the people who live on our street. Angela’s “stay-at-home mom” choice affords us with weekly opportunity. Many nights a week we have extra children in our home after school who stay through dinner. It is usually unplanned and a gift to their working parents. Dinner for us includes conversation around the Scripture. We involve visiting children as if they are a part of the family. We are demonstrating how to influence others for Christ without ever leaving our home. Later, we lead our daughters to pray for the people we are influencing. This is one way they learn how to be people of influence.

As we walk our children to the bus stop, we pray that God would use them as people of influence for the Kingdom at their school. We regularly pray for classmates and their families who need to know the good news of Jesus Christ. We try through prayer, regular family devotions, and our daily lives to purposefully live out the Great Commission with our children and involve them in the work of it. I pray as they grow and go wherever God leads them, they will always remember that Jesus calls them to be people of influence as students, stay-at-home moms, or missionaries to the other side of the world.

Loving Others in the Community

Our children need a chance to get their hands dirty, serving others for the cause of Christ. Local churches can provide families inexpensive local opportunities to serve. As parents we need to take advantage of these opportunities to teach our kids to serve others in a self-centered culture.

There is a newer church near our home named Iglesia Sobre la Roca or Church on the Rock. One Saturday our family along with dozens of other families from our church served the people of Iglesia Sobre la Roca by laying sod and building landscape to beautify their new church facility.

It was a drizzly day in Houston that brought fire ants to the surface. My daughters were working together to hoist one piece of sod and drag it to the next placement area. I heard one of them scream and then the other. Fire ants were all over their arms. I hosed them down and gave them some Benadryl. When given the choice to go home, they said they were having too much fun to leave. By the end of the day families working together transformed the muddy field at Iglesia Sobre la Roca to a nicely manicured yard. To this day as we drive by the church the girls recall the story of that day. The work, rain, and ant bites only made the gift of serving others more significant. When our children get their hands dirty serving others their hearts become open to the work of the Great Commission. As parents the best way we can raise Great Commission kids is to serve alongside them as much as possible.

Loving Others around the World

The Great Commission calls us to make disciples of “all nations”. Clearly Jesus has the peoples of the world in mind as He calls us to live on mission. How can families engage in global missions? Here are some practical ways.

•Support a World Vision child. This has been a very practical way for our family to cultivate a heart for the people of the world. We support Patricia, a ten year old girl from The Congo. World Vision does a great job of putting a face to missions and making certain that your dollars actually benefit the child. We pray for Patricia during our weekly faith talks, and we give monthly. The girls often pray for her before we go to bed. This is a great step for any family.

•Participate in Missions Programming for Children at church. Simply making sure your children participate in the missions programming for kids at your church is significant. Every Wednesday my girls have the opportunity to learn about mission work around the globe, experience a taste of other cultures, and pray for the people of the world. When they enter youth ministry, missions education turns into experiential opportunities. As a parent, I want my children involved in missions at church. In this way the church partners with us as parents to help our children embrace an Acts 1:8 understanding of living on mission.

•Sacrifice to give each child an international experience during the high school or college years. Angela and I plan to give each of our children an international experience before they graduate from high school. My pastor, who has two children in college and two at home, sacrifices to give his children the gift of serving internationally. I have observed the fruit from that experience in the lives of his children who are now young adults. We hope to follow his example as we lead our children to embrace a heart for the nations.

A Practical Example for Church Leaders

Just Change… Families on Mission in the Small Things

On mission families likely belong to on mission churches. As pastors and church leaders we work hard to involve families in the Great Commission. Families need our help to participate in on mission experiences. We are learning to develop intentional partnerships between family ministry and missions ministry in the local church. Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas where I serve as Associate Pastor is discovering the beauty of this strategic partnership. At Kingsland our mission is to “Love God, Love People, and Equip the Generations… one home at a time.”

“One home at a time” conjures pictures in our minds of suburban families seeking to lead the next generation biblically. We think of our children and our homes as we walk the path of Legacy Milestones. In order for the world to know the justice of God we must also think of other children and other homes.

Kingsland’s Go Beyond Missions Ministry has established a partnership with a safe house in Kolkata, India. This safe house is a place where girls who have been rescued from forced commercial sex are taken to live. The girls receive counseling, are provided help to get off the drugs given to them by their oppressors to make them compliant, and are given education and taught a vocational trade. The staff of this home works to return girls to the families from whom they were kidnapped and to relocate girls sold into slavery by their own parents.

Kingsland’s Legacy Milestones Ministry (family ministry) is partnering with our Go Beyond Missions Ministry to raise the monies needed each month to provide for the safety and needs of these young girls. If every family gives “just change” each week we will be able to fully support these victims of injustice.

Legacy Milestones will provide a bank for each family to use during their weekly faith talk. At each faith talk parents encourage their children to bring change to help the girls in India. Included is a series of faith talks parents can use to help their family understand the issue in an age-appropriate way and to teach the Scriptures concerning our role as promoters of God’s justice in the world today. In this way we will teach our families to think of others who so desperately need our help.

Final Thoughts

As parents we do not have to be perfect to raise “On Mission” children. Consider taking intentional steps to lead your child to experience missions in daily life before he ever leaves home.





Just Change

15 01 2010

Just Change… Where Family and Missions Collide


“One home at a time” conjures pictures in our minds of suburban families seeking to lead the next generation biblically. We think of our children and our homes as we walk the path of Legacy Milestones. In order for the world to know the justice of God we must also think of other children and other homes.

Kingsland’s Go Beyond Missions Ministry has established a partnership with a safe house in Kolkata, India. This safe house is a place where girls who have been rescued from forced commercial sex are taken to live. The girls receive counseling, are given help to get off the drugs given to them by their oppressors to make them compliant, and are given education and taught a vocational trade. The staff of this home works to return girls to the families from whom they were kidnapped and to relocate girls sold into slavery by their own parents.

Kingsland’s Legacy Milestone Ministry is partnering with our Go Beyond Missions Ministry to raise the monies needed each month to provide for the safety and needs of these young girls. If every family gives “just change” each week we will be able to fully support these victims of injustice.

Legacy Milestones will provide a bank for each family to use during their weekly faith talk. At each faith talk encourage your children to bring change to help the girls in India. Included is a series of faith talks you can use to help your family understand the issue in an age appropriate way and to teach the Scriptures concerning our role as promoters of God’s justice in the world today. In this way we will teach our families to think of others who so desperately need our help.

Pick up a little red bank home on February 7 at Parent Summit. When you see it, remember the safe house and the young girls that will be rescued and rehabilitated. Put it in an obvious place and encourage everyone to deposit “just change.”

Let’s go beyond … one home at a time.





Things God Hates

14 01 2010

Things God Hates

Returning to Holiness — that’s what we are focusing on at Kingsland as we start the New Year. Alex Kennedy, our Senior Pastor, is teaching on holiness throughout the month as we prepare to observe a sacred (or solemn) assembly at the end of the month. As part of our preparation for our sacred assembly, Omar Garcia, Kingsland’s Missions Pastor, and I prepared the following daily devotional guide for use over the next week. I hope you find it useful in taking personal inventory of your personal journey with Christ.


Proverbs 6:16–19 lists seven sins the Lord hates. Hate is strong language but is the best word in the context of these verses. God hates the things that Satan loves and Satan loves the things that God hates. The seven sins listed in these verses are among the things Satan uses to distance us from God and to cause our love for Him to grow cold. These sins and any sin we embrace and tolerate have the potential to destroy us and others including our families, churches, communities, and culture.
If we aspire to spiritual maturity and to experience personal revival, we must confess and forsake our sins — in other words, we must first own and then disown our sins. We must humble ourselves before God and give Him complete access to every area of our lives. 2 Chronicles 7:14 is reassuring to those who do so: If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.


Tolerating and refusing to confess and forsake our sins will lead to serious internal strife (Ps. 32:3-5). Don’t allow that to happen. This week, please ask God to reveal the sins in your life that distance you from Him, damage your influence for Christ, and make you ineffective in the work of His kingdom. Like David, ask God to acquit you of hidden faults and keep you back from presumptuous sins lest they rule over you (Ps. 19:12-13). Cooperate with God and allow Him to thoroughly wash and cleanse you (Ps. 51:2).


Haughty Eyes
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs, 6:17, Psalm 18:27, Proverbs 11:2, Proverbs 21:4, Matthew 6:1.
Lord, please examine my eyes. Reveal to me the things that obscure my vision and cause me to exalt myself and to diminish others. Please heal my eyes with the salve of humility. Remind me daily that “everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted” (Luke 18:14).


Lying Tongue
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:17, Psalm 5:6, Psalm 120:2, Proverbs 12:19, Proverbs 26:28, John 8:44, Revelation 21:8.
Lord, please reveal to me all of the ways in which I am less than truthful. Confront me with the ways in which I exaggerate, bend or edit the truth, and lie. Please heal my tongue and help me to be like Jesus, “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).


Hands that Shed Innocent Blood
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:17, Exodus 20:13, Deuteronomy 19:10, Isaiah 59:7, Jeremiah 22:3.
Lord, please show me how I have shed innocent blood and how I have violated the spirit of the Sixth Commandment by being a party to character assassination, harboring hate, nursing grudges, and seeking revenge. Please heal any attitudes of hate that reside in my heart and govern my thoughts. Remind me that Jesus came that we might have and promote life (John 10:10).


Heart that Devises Wicked Plans
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:18, Proverbs 6:14, Proverbs 12:20, Matthew 15:18-20.
Lord, please expose the wicked schemes of my heart — schemes that diminish my integrity, damage others, and lead to division. Please frustrate any plans I devise to sin against you or to harm others. Help me to invite others to hold me accountable for my thoughts and plans. Remind me to keep my heart with all vigilance because from it flow the springs of life (Prov. 4:23).


Feet that Run to Evil
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:18, Psalm 52:3, Psalm 97:10, Amos 5:15, Zechariah 8:17, John 3:19, Romans 12:9, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 2 Timothy 2:22.
Lord, please cause me to stumble when I foolishly run to evil. Please help me to have the sense to run away from evil and all that will cause my love for you to grow cold. Help me to follow your steps and to never lose sight of you. Thank you that you welcome me back when I repent and that you cleanse me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).


False Witness Who Lies
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:19, Exodus 20:16, Exodus 23:1, Proverbs 19:5, Proverbs 21:28.
Lord, please reveal to me any way in which I have given false testimony based on inadequate, wrong, or baseless information. Give me the courage to seek forgiveness from those I have wronged with lies I have told and to rectify any damage I have caused. Please remind me that what I say matters. “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Ps. 141:3).


One Who Stirs Up Discord

Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:19, Proverbs 16:28, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Timothy 5:13, Titus 3:10.
Lord, please show me every way in which I have been divisive and have frustrated your desire for unity in my home and in your church. Please give me the courage to seek the forgiveness of those I have harmed and those I have divided by sowing discord. Please help me to be a peacemaker (Matt. 5:9) and to “be at peace with all men” (Rom. 12:18).





Understanding Family Ministry?

8 01 2010

This week I spoke to several leaders seeking a simple definition of family ministry. What is it? What does it look like? Here is a short answer from a big picture viewpoint.

Out of shear necessity 21st century American evangelicals are diligently working to define “Family Ministry.” A sense of urgency stems from a recent awakening to the cold hard facts as presented by leading sociologist Christian Smith and supported by the research team of George Barna. Truly, during the greatest years of programmatic development and with an abundance of practical resources, the discipleship ministry of the local church has not produced a generation of adults who embrace a biblical worldview. The missing link is not another well executed program at church but instead a return to God’s original plan for spiritual formation. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and dozens of other passages point to the family as the leading vehicle for discipleship. As the church is rediscovering this ancient truth, it is struggling for strategic practice.

Understanding family ministry is more about adjusting our practice of spiritual formation. Family ministry is spiritual formation and spiritual formation is family ministry. Biblically, the two should not be separated. The family and the local church are two sides of the same “discipleship” coin working together to form the next generation in Christ. To this end the strategic process of family ministry in a local church can be seen as the life path of spiritual formation for any person seeking to follow Christ and grow in him. The older generation is always leading the younger to grow spiritually (Psalm 78). The church equips (Ephesians 4:11-12) adults of all ages to make disciples. When those adults are also parents the church works to equip and resource them to effectively disciple their own children. This shift in thinking is the essence of strategic family ministry practice.

To learn how this definition of Family Ministry can make sense for your church visit http://legacymilestones.com or read Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today.





You May Have to Adjust Your Life

7 01 2010

I learned this lesson the hard way. If you and I are to lead our families along the path of legacy milestones at Kingsland we might have to adjust our lives. Angela and I have three daughters, Hailey, Madelyn, and Eden. It is our responsibility to love the Lord our God with all of our heart and with all of our soul and with all of our strength in front of them each day. It is our responsibility to keep the words of God on our heart. It is our responsibility to impress the words of God on our children. We must talk about the words of God as we sit and home and when we drive places or as we walk somewhere together. It is our privilege to teach them the commands of the Lord when they get up in the morning and when they lie down at night according to Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

Early in my ministry I found myself serving as a student pastor in a local congregation struggling to make a difference for Christ in its community. For a variety of reasons the church began to decline in attendance. Young families left the church in search of dynamic children’s ministries and student ministries to scratch spiritual itches that our church did not succeed in alleviating. I was hurt and frustrated. Looking back I am embarrassed to say that in my soul I believed I could work harder to make the church succeed. For the sake of the call on my life to minister in a local church, I put all other priorities on hold thinking that God wanted me to work harder to make the church a better place.

A couple of years went by. I worked harder and longer, but the church continued its decline. Those two years were both damaging and catalytic all at once. Almost every night I would come home, eat a quick dinner that my wife had prepared, kiss the baby, and head back to church for some sort of meeting. I would come home exhausted. Angela would already have our daughter in bed and we would sit down on the couch to talk. I would spend the next hour before bed, griping about the church I worked so hard to help. This was our family routine for two years.

One night I came home late again after an exhilarating church council meeting discussing weighty issues such as the leaking dishwasher in the church kitchen and the need to pressure wash the molding brick facade. My wife and I began to talk about church once again. This time the conversation went a completely different direction.

As I babbled about my frustrations related to church, I remember hearing these words: “You are losing us.” I began to listen. My wife told me she felt like a single mom. The man she married was now married to the church. My daughter’s father cared more about shepherding other people than teaching her Bible stories at night before she went to bed. Angela in her patience had waited two years hoping I would figure this out on my own. Now, led by the Holy Spirit, she told me the truth about me. She asked for change. I was devastated.

Today I am so glad Angela had the courage to share honestly with me that night. That one conversation jolted me to the core. I reconnected with the truth of Scripture and God’s priorities for my life. This meant life change for me. I sought the Lord and He showed me Deuteronomy 6:4-9. I began to well up with passion for my wife and children. I soon saw discipleship as beginning in my home, not the church. I begged God in prayer for a fresh start. God orchestrated a career move to allow me the balance I needed to be a Christ-follower, a husband, a father, and then a pastor. That’s when I came to Kingsland.

One night soon after we moved my daughter Hailey, four years old at the time, looked up from her plate and asked, “Dad what are you doing home for dinner?” With a tear in my eye I promised her I would be home for dinner most nights from that point forward. Now, dinner, regular faith talks, milestone celebrations, and God moments along the way characterize our family life because of prioritized time and a plan to equip our daughters to become Christ-followers. Out of the overflow of my family comes the heart of my ministry. I authentically expect our church to pursue spiritual formation at home because of the foundation of Scripture and the real experience of my own family.

You may have to adjust your life in order to lead your family spiritually. I know I did and often still do. For more information on leading your children spiritually and how Kingsland will equip you along the way visit us at www.legacymilestones.com. For an ongoing conversation about equipping the next generation growing up under your roof visit www.legacyblog.org.