On Mission Families

26 01 2010

On Mission Families
How Parents Can Lead Their Children to Love Others

A Parent’s Perspective

My wife and I love to serve alongside our three daughters (Hailey 10, Madelyn 7, and Eden 2). We think it is an important part of their spiritual formation as young Christ-followers. Our family mantra echoes the words of Jesus in Matthew 22:37-40. We believe biblical parenting involves raising children to become adults who “love God and love people” by living the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20).

Though we are young in our parenting, we know our children will only embrace an on mission lifestyle as we lead them with intentionality. So how can parents involve their children in the Great Commission as they grow from infancy to adulthood?

People of Influence

The Great Commission calls every follower of Jesus Christ to become a person of influence because of the authority of our King. This influence is given by God and is executed relationally. Not worldly influence that comes from money or status. Instead this is a salty influence that attracts others because of the beauty of Christ in us as we follow Him. Our children need to learn how to be persons of influence and observe as we demonstrate this kind of influence if they are to embrace a Great Commission lifestyle. We teach our children that Jesus puts us in obvious places where everyone can see us so other people can learn about Jesus and His love.

Angela (my wife) and I started teaching this concept very early on with our girls. Since infancy my girls listen as we pray over them at bedtime. Our nightly prayer goes something like this: “Lord Jesus, would You bless her and keep her and make Your face shine on her (Numbers 6:24) and would You use her in this world for Your Glory, that Your Name would be made more famous in the lives of people on our street and around the planet throughout the generations.”

We demonstrate this influence by making our home a place of hospitality first and foremost to the people who live on our street. Angela’s “stay-at-home mom” choice affords us with weekly opportunity. Many nights a week we have extra children in our home after school who stay through dinner. It is usually unplanned and a gift to their working parents. Dinner for us includes conversation around the Scripture. We involve visiting children as if they are a part of the family. We are demonstrating how to influence others for Christ without ever leaving our home. Later, we lead our daughters to pray for the people we are influencing. This is one way they learn how to be people of influence.

As we walk our children to the bus stop, we pray that God would use them as people of influence for the Kingdom at their school. We regularly pray for classmates and their families who need to know the good news of Jesus Christ. We try through prayer, regular family devotions, and our daily lives to purposefully live out the Great Commission with our children and involve them in the work of it. I pray as they grow and go wherever God leads them, they will always remember that Jesus calls them to be people of influence as students, stay-at-home moms, or missionaries to the other side of the world.

Loving Others in the Community

Our children need a chance to get their hands dirty, serving others for the cause of Christ. Local churches can provide families inexpensive local opportunities to serve. As parents we need to take advantage of these opportunities to teach our kids to serve others in a self-centered culture.

There is a newer church near our home named Iglesia Sobre la Roca or Church on the Rock. One Saturday our family along with dozens of other families from our church served the people of Iglesia Sobre la Roca by laying sod and building landscape to beautify their new church facility.

It was a drizzly day in Houston that brought fire ants to the surface. My daughters were working together to hoist one piece of sod and drag it to the next placement area. I heard one of them scream and then the other. Fire ants were all over their arms. I hosed them down and gave them some Benadryl. When given the choice to go home, they said they were having too much fun to leave. By the end of the day families working together transformed the muddy field at Iglesia Sobre la Roca to a nicely manicured yard. To this day as we drive by the church the girls recall the story of that day. The work, rain, and ant bites only made the gift of serving others more significant. When our children get their hands dirty serving others their hearts become open to the work of the Great Commission. As parents the best way we can raise Great Commission kids is to serve alongside them as much as possible.

Loving Others around the World

The Great Commission calls us to make disciples of “all nations”. Clearly Jesus has the peoples of the world in mind as He calls us to live on mission. How can families engage in global missions? Here are some practical ways.

•Support a World Vision child. This has been a very practical way for our family to cultivate a heart for the people of the world. We support Patricia, a ten year old girl from The Congo. World Vision does a great job of putting a face to missions and making certain that your dollars actually benefit the child. We pray for Patricia during our weekly faith talks, and we give monthly. The girls often pray for her before we go to bed. This is a great step for any family.

•Participate in Missions Programming for Children at church. Simply making sure your children participate in the missions programming for kids at your church is significant. Every Wednesday my girls have the opportunity to learn about mission work around the globe, experience a taste of other cultures, and pray for the people of the world. When they enter youth ministry, missions education turns into experiential opportunities. As a parent, I want my children involved in missions at church. In this way the church partners with us as parents to help our children embrace an Acts 1:8 understanding of living on mission.

•Sacrifice to give each child an international experience during the high school or college years. Angela and I plan to give each of our children an international experience before they graduate from high school. My pastor, who has two children in college and two at home, sacrifices to give his children the gift of serving internationally. I have observed the fruit from that experience in the lives of his children who are now young adults. We hope to follow his example as we lead our children to embrace a heart for the nations.

A Practical Example for Church Leaders

Just Change… Families on Mission in the Small Things

On mission families likely belong to on mission churches. As pastors and church leaders we work hard to involve families in the Great Commission. Families need our help to participate in on mission experiences. We are learning to develop intentional partnerships between family ministry and missions ministry in the local church. Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas where I serve as Associate Pastor is discovering the beauty of this strategic partnership. At Kingsland our mission is to “Love God, Love People, and Equip the Generations… one home at a time.”

“One home at a time” conjures pictures in our minds of suburban families seeking to lead the next generation biblically. We think of our children and our homes as we walk the path of Legacy Milestones. In order for the world to know the justice of God we must also think of other children and other homes.

Kingsland’s Go Beyond Missions Ministry has established a partnership with a safe house in Kolkata, India. This safe house is a place where girls who have been rescued from forced commercial sex are taken to live. The girls receive counseling, are provided help to get off the drugs given to them by their oppressors to make them compliant, and are given education and taught a vocational trade. The staff of this home works to return girls to the families from whom they were kidnapped and to relocate girls sold into slavery by their own parents.

Kingsland’s Legacy Milestones Ministry (family ministry) is partnering with our Go Beyond Missions Ministry to raise the monies needed each month to provide for the safety and needs of these young girls. If every family gives “just change” each week we will be able to fully support these victims of injustice.

Legacy Milestones will provide a bank for each family to use during their weekly faith talk. At each faith talk parents encourage their children to bring change to help the girls in India. Included is a series of faith talks parents can use to help their family understand the issue in an age-appropriate way and to teach the Scriptures concerning our role as promoters of God’s justice in the world today. In this way we will teach our families to think of others who so desperately need our help.

Final Thoughts

As parents we do not have to be perfect to raise “On Mission” children. Consider taking intentional steps to lead your child to experience missions in daily life before he ever leaves home.


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Categories : For Church Leaders, Parenting

Just Change

15 01 2010

Just Change… Where Family and Missions Collide


“One home at a time” conjures pictures in our minds of suburban families seeking to lead the next generation biblically. We think of our children and our homes as we walk the path of Legacy Milestones. In order for the world to know the justice of God we must also think of other children and other homes.

Kingsland’s Go Beyond Missions Ministry has established a partnership with a safe house in Kolkata, India. This safe house is a place where girls who have been rescued from forced commercial sex are taken to live. The girls receive counseling, are given help to get off the drugs given to them by their oppressors to make them compliant, and are given education and taught a vocational trade. The staff of this home works to return girls to the families from whom they were kidnapped and to relocate girls sold into slavery by their own parents.

Kingsland’s Legacy Milestone Ministry is partnering with our Go Beyond Missions Ministry to raise the monies needed each month to provide for the safety and needs of these young girls. If every family gives “just change” each week we will be able to fully support these victims of injustice.

Legacy Milestones will provide a bank for each family to use during their weekly faith talk. At each faith talk encourage your children to bring change to help the girls in India. Included is a series of faith talks you can use to help your family understand the issue in an age appropriate way and to teach the Scriptures concerning our role as promoters of God’s justice in the world today. In this way we will teach our families to think of others who so desperately need our help.

Pick up a little red bank home on February 7 at Parent Summit. When you see it, remember the safe house and the young girls that will be rescued and rehabilitated. Put it in an obvious place and encourage everyone to deposit “just change.”

Let’s go beyond … one home at a time.


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Categories : Faith Talks, For Church Leaders, Milestones

Things God Hates

14 01 2010

Things God Hates

Returning to Holiness — that’s what we are focusing on at Kingsland as we start the New Year. Alex Kennedy, our Senior Pastor, is teaching on holiness throughout the month as we prepare to observe a sacred (or solemn) assembly at the end of the month. As part of our preparation for our sacred assembly, Omar Garcia, Kingsland’s Missions Pastor, and I prepared the following daily devotional guide for use over the next week. I hope you find it useful in taking personal inventory of your personal journey with Christ.


Proverbs 6:16–19 lists seven sins the Lord hates. Hate is strong language but is the best word in the context of these verses. God hates the things that Satan loves and Satan loves the things that God hates. The seven sins listed in these verses are among the things Satan uses to distance us from God and to cause our love for Him to grow cold. These sins and any sin we embrace and tolerate have the potential to destroy us and others including our families, churches, communities, and culture.
If we aspire to spiritual maturity and to experience personal revival, we must confess and forsake our sins — in other words, we must first own and then disown our sins. We must humble ourselves before God and give Him complete access to every area of our lives. 2 Chronicles 7:14 is reassuring to those who do so: If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.


Tolerating and refusing to confess and forsake our sins will lead to serious internal strife (Ps. 32:3-5). Don’t allow that to happen. This week, please ask God to reveal the sins in your life that distance you from Him, damage your influence for Christ, and make you ineffective in the work of His kingdom. Like David, ask God to acquit you of hidden faults and keep you back from presumptuous sins lest they rule over you (Ps. 19:12-13). Cooperate with God and allow Him to thoroughly wash and cleanse you (Ps. 51:2).


Haughty Eyes
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs, 6:17, Psalm 18:27, Proverbs 11:2, Proverbs 21:4, Matthew 6:1.
Lord, please examine my eyes. Reveal to me the things that obscure my vision and cause me to exalt myself and to diminish others. Please heal my eyes with the salve of humility. Remind me daily that “everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted” (Luke 18:14).


Lying Tongue
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:17, Psalm 5:6, Psalm 120:2, Proverbs 12:19, Proverbs 26:28, John 8:44, Revelation 21:8.
Lord, please reveal to me all of the ways in which I am less than truthful. Confront me with the ways in which I exaggerate, bend or edit the truth, and lie. Please heal my tongue and help me to be like Jesus, “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).


Hands that Shed Innocent Blood
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:17, Exodus 20:13, Deuteronomy 19:10, Isaiah 59:7, Jeremiah 22:3.
Lord, please show me how I have shed innocent blood and how I have violated the spirit of the Sixth Commandment by being a party to character assassination, harboring hate, nursing grudges, and seeking revenge. Please heal any attitudes of hate that reside in my heart and govern my thoughts. Remind me that Jesus came that we might have and promote life (John 10:10).


Heart that Devises Wicked Plans
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:18, Proverbs 6:14, Proverbs 12:20, Matthew 15:18-20.
Lord, please expose the wicked schemes of my heart — schemes that diminish my integrity, damage others, and lead to division. Please frustrate any plans I devise to sin against you or to harm others. Help me to invite others to hold me accountable for my thoughts and plans. Remind me to keep my heart with all vigilance because from it flow the springs of life (Prov. 4:23).


Feet that Run to Evil
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:18, Psalm 52:3, Psalm 97:10, Amos 5:15, Zechariah 8:17, John 3:19, Romans 12:9, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 2 Timothy 2:22.
Lord, please cause me to stumble when I foolishly run to evil. Please help me to have the sense to run away from evil and all that will cause my love for you to grow cold. Help me to follow your steps and to never lose sight of you. Thank you that you welcome me back when I repent and that you cleanse me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).


False Witness Who Lies
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:19, Exodus 20:16, Exodus 23:1, Proverbs 19:5, Proverbs 21:28.
Lord, please reveal to me any way in which I have given false testimony based on inadequate, wrong, or baseless information. Give me the courage to seek forgiveness from those I have wronged with lies I have told and to rectify any damage I have caused. Please remind me that what I say matters. “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Ps. 141:3).


One Who Stirs Up Discord
Please read and meditate on these verses: Proverbs 6:19, Proverbs 16:28, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Timothy 5:13, Titus 3:10.
Lord, please show me every way in which I have been divisive and have frustrated your desire for unity in my home and in your church. Please give me the courage to seek the forgiveness of those I have harmed and those I have divided by sowing discord. Please help me to be a peacemaker (Matt. 5:9) and to “be at peace with all men” (Rom. 12:18).


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Understanding Family Ministry?

8 01 2010

This week I spoke to several leaders seeking a simple definition of family ministry. What is it? What does it look like? Here is a short answer from a big picture viewpoint.

Out of shear necessity 21st century American evangelicals are diligently working to define “Family Ministry.” A sense of urgency stems from a recent awakening to the cold hard facts as presented by leading sociologist Christian Smith and supported by the research team of George Barna. Truly, during the greatest years of programmatic development and with an abundance of practical resources, the discipleship ministry of the local church has not produced a generation of adults who embrace a biblical worldview. The missing link is not another well executed program at church but instead a return to God’s original plan for spiritual formation. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and dozens of other passages point to the family as the leading vehicle for discipleship. As the church is rediscovering this ancient truth, it is struggling for strategic practice.

Understanding family ministry is more about adjusting our practice of spiritual formation. Family ministry is spiritual formation and spiritual formation is family ministry. Biblically, the two should not be separated. The family and the local church are two sides of the same “discipleship” coin working together to form the next generation in Christ. To this end the strategic process of family ministry in a local church can be seen as the life path of spiritual formation for any person seeking to follow Christ and grow in him. The older generation is always leading the younger to grow spiritually (Psalm 78). The church equips (Ephesians 4:11-12) adults of all ages to make disciples. When those adults are also parents the church works to equip and resource them to effectively disciple their own children. This shift in thinking is the essence of strategic family ministry practice.

To learn how this definition of Family Ministry can make sense for your church visit http://legacymilestones.com or read Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today.


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You May Have to Adjust Your Life

7 01 2010

I learned this lesson the hard way. If you and I are to lead our families along the path of legacy milestones at Kingsland we might have to adjust our lives. Angela and I have three daughters, Hailey, Madelyn, and Eden. It is our responsibility to love the Lord our God with all of our heart and with all of our soul and with all of our strength in front of them each day. It is our responsibility to keep the words of God on our heart. It is our responsibility to impress the words of God on our children. We must talk about the words of God as we sit and home and when we drive places or as we walk somewhere together. It is our privilege to teach them the commands of the Lord when they get up in the morning and when they lie down at night according to Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

Early in my ministry I found myself serving as a student pastor in a local congregation struggling to make a difference for Christ in its community. For a variety of reasons the church began to decline in attendance. Young families left the church in search of dynamic children’s ministries and student ministries to scratch spiritual itches that our church did not succeed in alleviating. I was hurt and frustrated. Looking back I am embarrassed to say that in my soul I believed I could work harder to make the church succeed. For the sake of the call on my life to minister in a local church, I put all other priorities on hold thinking that God wanted me to work harder to make the church a better place.

A couple of years went by. I worked harder and longer, but the church continued its decline. Those two years were both damaging and catalytic all at once. Almost every night I would come home, eat a quick dinner that my wife had prepared, kiss the baby, and head back to church for some sort of meeting. I would come home exhausted. Angela would already have our daughter in bed and we would sit down on the couch to talk. I would spend the next hour before bed, griping about the church I worked so hard to help. This was our family routine for two years.

One night I came home late again after an exhilarating church council meeting discussing weighty issues such as the leaking dishwasher in the church kitchen and the need to pressure wash the molding brick facade. My wife and I began to talk about church once again. This time the conversation went a completely different direction.

As I babbled about my frustrations related to church, I remember hearing these words: “You are losing us.” I began to listen. My wife told me she felt like a single mom. The man she married was now married to the church. My daughter’s father cared more about shepherding other people than teaching her Bible stories at night before she went to bed. Angela in her patience had waited two years hoping I would figure this out on my own. Now, led by the Holy Spirit, she told me the truth about me. She asked for change. I was devastated.

Today I am so glad Angela had the courage to share honestly with me that night. That one conversation jolted me to the core. I reconnected with the truth of Scripture and God’s priorities for my life. This meant life change for me. I sought the Lord and He showed me Deuteronomy 6:4-9. I began to well up with passion for my wife and children. I soon saw discipleship as beginning in my home, not the church. I begged God in prayer for a fresh start. God orchestrated a career move to allow me the balance I needed to be a Christ-follower, a husband, a father, and then a pastor. That’s when I came to Kingsland.

One night soon after we moved my daughter Hailey, four years old at the time, looked up from her plate and asked, “Dad what are you doing home for dinner?” With a tear in my eye I promised her I would be home for dinner most nights from that point forward. Now, dinner, regular faith talks, milestone celebrations, and God moments along the way characterize our family life because of prioritized time and a plan to equip our daughters to become Christ-followers. Out of the overflow of my family comes the heart of my ministry. I authentically expect our church to pursue spiritual formation at home because of the foundation of Scripture and the real experience of my own family.

You may have to adjust your life in order to lead your family spiritually. I know I did and often still do. For more information on leading your children spiritually and how Kingsland will equip you along the way visit us at www.legacymilestones.com. For an ongoing conversation about equipping the next generation growing up under your roof visit www.legacyblog.org.


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Letters to My Daughters at Christmas

23 12 2009

Several years ago we began a Christmas tradition in our family. Believing that children are wired for the blessing of their father, I began to write letters of blessing to my children at Christmas. Each of my daughters has a journal that is slowly filling with my Christmas letters to them. On Christmas morning we sit by the fire place and I read each letter aloud. I always cry and my daughters always hug and kiss me and tell me the love me. I dream of a day, Lord willing a long time from now, when I am with Jesus and my daughters, thinking of me on Christmas morning, open their journals and read of their daddy’s love for them. I pray they will always know they received their father’s blessing and as a result are always able to receive God as a good and loving Father. Every gift we give on Christmas morning will fade except this one. I pray that you will find ways unique to your family to bless your children, not with stuff, but with words that will not fade. Here are my letters to my daughters this year.

To Hailey Grace Haynes on Christmas day 2009

My sweet Hailey,

You are ten years old this Christmas. I can hardly believe ten years have gone by since God blessed your mom and me by giving us you. You are a precious gift that I will always cherish, always love, always protect, and always lift up in prayer.

This has been a huge year for you. Fifth grade: the last year of elementary school. I am proud of you in so many ways. I am proud of you for who you are. Hailey, you genuinely love people. Your caring spirit has endeared you to your classmates. This is evidenced by the number of friends you have and their choice to make you a representative on student council. You have a wonderful reputation with people which is important and reflects well on Christ. A reputation that includes being a hard-worker, respectful to your teachers and fellow students, and a person who can be trusted. I see all of this as the work of Jesus in your life. He is making you into the woman he wants you to be and in this way is answering the prayers of your parents.

I love the way you choose to love Jesus by your worship, generosity, compassion, and truly repentant heart. I am more than excited to learn how the Lord will use you for His glory in the days ahead. My prayer for you this year is very simple and very biblical. It is a scripture found in Luke that describes Jesus when he was about your age. “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.” Luke 2:52

Lord, help Hailey to continue to increase in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. I love you with all of my heart. Merry Christmas.

To Madelyn Kay Haynes on Christmas day 2009

Sweet Madelyn,

You are growing so fast. I am afraid that I will blink my eyes and you will be 18. You are seven this Christmas and I really cannot believe it.

This has been a life changing year for you. Just a few months ago you committed your life to Jesus as your Lord. He chose you and you chose him back resulting in a brand new you. Not perfect but forgiven and full of joy knowing that you will walk with Jesus all of your days… and even after that.

It was my honor to baptize you as you confessed to everyone that Jesus Christ is Lord. I am praising God even now that He answered mom’s and my prayers for your salvation.

I want you to know that I an so proud of you Maddie. Not for what you do (which is a lot of great stuff) but more for who you are. I watch you show love to people in many different ways. I especially am proud when I hear you tell mom you love her unsolicited. When you care for your sisters I am blessed. When you give me an unexpected hug I sense a deep love in you that comes only from Jesus. That love manifests in your affection, generosity, and compassion. I am so very proud of who you are.

My blessing for you comes from Romans 12:1-2. I urge you Madelyn not to conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test God’s will. His good, pleasing, and perfect will!

I love you sweet girl. Merry Christmas!

To Eden Katalina Haynes on Christmas day 2009

My Eden,

I thank my God every time I look into your face. You are a picture to me of God’s provision and grace. The Lord named you Eden which means “delight.” You have been just that to your mother and me these past two years or so.

You are two this Christmas. This is a really fun age. You are the first to yell “Daddy!” when I come in from work every night which is a blessing I particularly look forward to on difficult days. You are learning to be a friend, to share, and to be a part of a family. You are an imitator of your sisters which is a good thing.

Just a few weeks ago you made your first public proclamation of the Glory of God. After watching a cartoon version of the angels singing praises at Christ’s birth you decided to offer your own praises. Mom saw you step up on a box while at the store and in your best vibrato sing, “Glory to God in the Highest.” Everyone in the store stopped to watch and listen. Mom was so proud she has already told the story 100 times at least. Eden, may you be known as a praiser of the King, our Lord Jesus.

I am so proud to be your father. You bless me and others in so many ways. I love you.

My blessing for you comes form Psalm 47:6. Eden, may your life sing praises to God, sing praises! Sing praises to our King, sing praises!

Merry Christmas little girl!


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Categories : Faith Talks, For Men Only, Parenting

Help Teenagers Deal with Death

18 12 2009

This week a teenager in our student ministry was tragically killed in a car accident.  This post is specifically for all of the Katy, Texas area parents trying to help their teenagers deal with a traumatic situation.  I pray that it might also help parents, teachers, pastors, and youth workers who need to lead teenagers through “the valley of the shadow of death.”

Death is no stranger in Houston, Texas. Just watch the news tonight and you will learn of atrocities, crimes, and accidents, that occurred all over our city today resulting in death for someone. Sometimes what seems like distant news on most evenings hits too close to home as was the case this week for Katy area teenagers. The death of another teenager, especially a friend or family member, has a profound impact in any community. Students struggle for answers and seek to cope. As adults involved in the lives of teenagers we can help them deal with the reality of death.

Here are a few suggestions:

  • Be available: Certainly life is busy. In the face of death, teenagers need a person to depend on. Parents need to intentionally slow down and make themselves available. Just be around. Grief is not something that can be scheduled. Most teenagers will start talking when they are ready. That might be late at night or early in the morning. The most important thing you can do is to be there at the right time. Since teenagers instantly turn to their own peers for answers, allow your home to be the place students can hang out together in this time of sadness. Keep the cookies coming and just be there. Don’t be too busy to be with your teenager during a very confusing time.
  • Listen: The best thing you can do as a parent or youth leader is to listen. Minimize the distractions in your life and take the time to listen to them. Be patient and don’t force conversation. When they are ready to talk… listen. Look them in the eyes and give them freedom to process their feelings. Try not to talk much at all. Instead take mental note of everything the teenager is saying. Are they mad or sad? Are they confused and hurt? Do they fear their own mortality. Listen with concern and a desire to empathize. Offer hugs and security. Even though they look more grown up they often feel like a lost child when thinking about death.
  • Answer their questions biblically: When you do provide answers avoid what I call “religious cheese.”  Statements like “She’s in a better place.” or “God must have wanted her home.” Just a side note.  We cannot blame death on God. Saying something like “God just wanted her home” implies that God is a murderer and a puppet master. If you don’t know the answer to a question simply say, “I don’t know.” Don’t make things up in an attempt to comfort. Avoid that religious garbage and instead offer biblical answers. One of my favorite passages to show people in the midst of anguish over death is 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.  Here is the first part.  “But we do not want you to be uninformed brothers about those who are asleep that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord will not precede those who have fallen asleep.” Read the rest of the passage today.  You will find answers to many common questions associated with death.
  • Give them room to feel:  It is important to give teenagers permission to feel deeply. Different personalities deal with emotions in unique ways. Some people talk openly or cry freely. Others internalize and want to be alone. Still others want to cry but can’t. Let them feel what they are feeling and don’t force a particular way of expressing that emotion. If your teenager internalizes don’t immediately conclude he is suicidal. Occasionally offer your presence and listening ear. He will talk when He is ready. If your teenager is open with her feelings sit and listen. Do not tell her how to feel. Acknowledge her feelings as perfectly legitimate and give her positive ways to express those feelings. Someone who internalizes might do well to write about how they are feeling. Someone who is experience intense anger benefits from running, screaming, or hit a punching bag. Others who are sad need to weep. These are valid emotional responses. Give them room to feel what they feel and gently coach them to express. Sometimes Christians think everyone should have the magical “peace that passes understanding.” In anguish and suffering sometimes Jesus, the prince of peace, just holds us as we strongly feel emotion. He created us with emotions. Don’t stifle that process.
  • Know where to go for help: As a parent or a youth leader of any type, know where to go if you need help. You may sense that a teenager is in trouble and is spiraling downward emotionally. You probably know your teenager better than anyone. If you sense they need help beyond what you can offer, know where to go to find the assistance you need. Your church is a great starting point. Many pastors can help and they are typically connected with counselors who can offer professional therapy. In the Katy area you are welcome to call my office, 281.492.0785 and speak to me or to any of our counselors on staff if you need some help. Know that I am praying for you as you shepherd the hearts of teenagers all over this community.

In just a few hours we will host a funeral for 16 year old Taylor Contreras at Kingsland. Our students are hurting and her family is devastated. Please pray for them. Some students from Morton Ranch High School posted a tribute to Taylor on Youtube. Watch it here and pray for her family and the many teenagers who are connected to her relationally.





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Categories : For Church Leaders, Parenting

Parent Summit: Pastors Track 2010

10 12 2009

Church Leaders, please join us for a two day event, February 5 and 6, 2010.  Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas

Register online at www.legacymilestones.com

As church leaders we are all learning every day. One of the great movements of God in western culture  is to re-establish a strategic connection between the church and the family to disciple the next generation. If you look closely you will see evidence of this movement emerging from several different voices. I see it in the Faith at Home movement championed by pastor and author Mark Holmen. I hear it in the Orange movement led by Reggie Joiner. I hear it in the writings of Kurt Bruner and John Trent. Seminaries like Southern Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky and Southwestern Seminary in Forth Worth, Texas  are equipping the next generation of pastors to define discipleship as a church and home process. God is causing a monumental shift in ecclesiology, reminding us of the ancient path of Deuteronomy 6:4-9.  Churches are embracing this movement and discovering strategic models to help them equip the family and intern equip the next generation.  Its on God’s heart so it’s on our heart.

I am privileged to serve at Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas.  For several years we have been practicing an integrated strategy linking church and family called the path of legacy milestones.  It’s not a perfect model but it is effective.  I recently detailed the model in my book Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today published by group publishing in 2009.  The strategy is transferable and customizeable to your unique ministry context.  It is intentional and gives parents a clear plan for leading their children spiritually.

I would like to invite you to join me and our staff for Parent Summit: Pastors Track 2010.  On Friday from lunch until 5:00 we will work with you to help you understand the strategy.  You will get face time with our Preschool Minister, Children’s Minister, Student Pastor, Adult Discipleship Pastor, and Senior Pastor to discuss the strategy from the perspective of your ministry role.  I will of course be there to help you see how your church can make this Biblical shift in the way it practices spiritual formation.  On Saturday you will participate in Parent Summit.  This event, offered twice a year, is the place parents at Kingsland come to find motivation, direction, and equipping for their family journey.  You will be a fly on the wall in our parent seminars and general sessions.  We will have a special leader lunch so that you can ask questions about Parent Summit and how it works behind the scenes.

Our prayer is that together we will learn from each other and somehow we can help you move forward in your desire to develop effective family ministry and equip the generations one home at a time. For more information or to register visit us at www.legacymilestones.com. The event is open to the first 100 church leaders who register.  Thanks for all you do to equip families.  Hope you can join us.

Parent Summit: Pastors Track 2010 info flyer

Blessings,

Brian Haynes

Associate Pastor-Kingsland Baptist Church

Author of Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today


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Categories : For Church Leaders

Teach Your Kids to be Thankful for Mom

20 11 2009

The days before the Thanksgiving holiday always cause introspection on my part.  About this time every year I find myself pondering the things I am most thankful for in life.  I ask the Lord to bring to mind the greatest blessings of my life and then I pray, thanking Him for the amazing love He has lavished on me.  I have noticed, the older and hopefully wiser I am becoming, the blessings have nothing to do with material possession. As I think about my blessings this year I realize every blessing comes in the form of a relationship.  The things I am thankful for are not things at all but instead, people.

Particularly I am thankful for my mother and my wife. They are 2 of the greatest blessings of my life.

It is easy to take mom for granted… until she’s gone. My wife and I were walking through the mall the other night. Christmas lights and decorations were already up and festive music was playing. A wannabe Santa Clause was already posing for pictures. For some reason the experience reminded me of  my mom and I longed for her to be able to walk through the mall with us and just shoot the breeze. She would have had a blast listening to the girls talk about their “wish lists.”  The truth is in that moment I just flat missed her. I spent time the next few days thinking of all the selfless acts, the heart breaking moments, the hopes and dreams, the endless prayers. I realize how thankful I am for her influence in my life.

There is another mom in my life. She is not my mom. She is my wife, the mother of my children. She amazes me. Today I called her on the way home from the hospital. I was kind of down after visiting a great lady who is slowly fading. When my wife answered the phone she said, “Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?” Confused, I said , “I don’t know, why?”  ”Because they wear their belts on their hats.” Her sense of humor changed my entire mood. I love that about her. I am so thankful for my true companion.

What my girls think is normal I see as their mother’s greatness. The selfless acts, the heart breaking moments, the hopes and dreams, the endless prayers. My daughters don’t know it yet but one day they will look back and realize how thankful they are for their mom.

In the meantime, I think we dad’s need to help our children show appreciation and thankfulness for mom. Thanksgiving is a perfect time for just such a lesson. Here are some way we can help our children understand how blessed they are to have mom.

  • Demonstrate your thankfulness for their mother. Make a public speech. Around the table on thanksgiving day I will make a speech. It will include a deep sense of gratitude for King Jesus and then a deep appreciation and thankfulness for my wife and their mother. I will list many of the ways she loves us and tell her thank you in front of everyone. This is one way we can teach our children to be open and express gratitude to Mom. If you need content, check out Proverbs 31.
  • Teach them to serve Mom without being asked. Little things like turning their socks the right way before throwing them in the dirty clothes go a long way. Remind them to clean their room and bring the trash down. When mom tells them thank you for doing such a good job, teach them to respond by saying, “You do so much for me, it is the least I can do.”
  • Correct your children quickly when they treat Mom as a hired hand. Nothing is more crucial than for them to hear from you (Dad) that Mom is a gift and not a slave.  She serves because she loves.  Do not let your children expect the service of Mom.  Instead teach them to be grateful in their speech and actions.
  • Help them write a thank you note to Mom. Lead them to tell her the things about her they are most thankful for. Then help them hide the letters in places she will naturally find them like in the microwave or under her pillow.

There are  a thousand different ways to show gratitude to Mom at Thanksgiving. Teach your kids to be thankful for their Mom. You will bless your wife and your children will learn to express gratitude. A very important lesson for any follower of Christ.


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Categories : For Men Only

The Best Parenting Guide Ever!

12 11 2009

Several weeks ago I had the random opportunity to have lunch with Francis Chan, Husband, Dad, Pastor, and Author, while at Family Life Ministries in Little Rock, Arkansas.  What a great guy… but more than that, a genuine Christ-Follower.  He challenged me as he talked with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine about the Holy Spirit.  Check out his new book “Forgotten God.”

The job description for “Parent” can seem daunting at times.  As parents we are guides, comforters, counselors, nurses, pastors, teachers, coaches, servants, and models of biblical faith, manhood, and womanhood to our children. How is it even possible to be the kind of Dad or Mom that a child needs? Sometimes I wonder, in my utter imperfection, if God can use me positively in the life of my children. Honestly, there are times I don’t know what to say or how to lead. I have days of greatness as a father and an equal amount of days that I would through into the “1 step forward and 2 steps back” category.  I am sure you can relate.  I am convinced I need help from God to be a parent.  I need my own guide, counselor, and comforter.

Consider John 16:5-15.  Particularly verse 7.  Jesus is helping his disciples understand that he will be leaving to go and prepare a place for them. He will ascend to the throne of Heaven. The disciples are grieving because they love being in the presence of their Lord Jesus. Interestingly Jesus says, “I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.” In other words it is better for you to have the Holy Spirit inside of you than it is to have me (Jesus) physically standing next to you… for now.

Forget parenting for a minute.  Wrestle with the gift of the Holy Spirit we have been given as followers of Christ.  The very presence of God “IN US!” The indwelling of the Holy Spirit explains why a person changes when he or she bows before King Jesus, repenting of sin, begging forgiveness and asking for a new life.

Why do we get freaked when we talk about the Holy Spirit?

Francis Chan, author of “Forgotten God” makes an excellent point.  We don’t like to relinquish control.  The indwelling of the Holy Spirit in my life should mean that I trust him for direction and guidance to keep me in step with God. The problem is, my American version of Christianity often gets in the way of that. I have to know where I am going and be in complete control. That’s when I find myself less like a fearless leader and more like a lost puppy. When I steer, my life is about me. When the Holy Spirit is in control all aspects of my life point to Jesus.

Back to parenting. When we allow the Holy Spirit to control our lives we become a different parent. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Galatians 5:22). Describe your home.  Is it permeated with the fruit of the Spirit? If not I humbly submit that we should give control back to the Holy Spirit. It seems like an ethereal concept but really it is just where we place our dependance. How can we rely on the Holy Spirt as the best Parenting Guide ever?

  • Seek God by studying the Scriptures: Taking time to read the Bible opens our ears to the direction and voice of the Holy Spirit in our lives. How will we know which way to go apart from taking the time to hear the voice of the Lord? (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
  • Practice constant dependence in prayer: Trust the Spirit enough to ask him what direction he would have you go no matter what the circumstance. Practice coming to him in the things you think you can handle on your own. He might have a different path for you to walk. Dont’ quench his leadership in your life but instead seek his direction. You will lead your children differently when you are asking the Spirit where to go. Don’t just go on a feeling. Test the direction against the truth of Scripture.(1 Thessalonians 5:16-21)
  • Ask for wisdom from the Holy Spirit: Ask the Spirit to grant you wisdom as a parent. Ask for wisdom every day. God wants you to parent your children wisely. The Holy Spirit is a counselor offering wisdom. Ask for wisdom now so that when you get to the place of uncertainty you know where to turn. The Scripture says that God grants wisdom generously to those who ask.(James 1:5)
  • Yield to the Spirit’s conviction and counsel: When you are wrong, yield to the conviction of the Spirit. Conviction, though it feels bad, is actually a good thing. Conviction is the Holy Spirit’s way of drawing you back into right relationship with Jesus. When you have done wrong don’t fight the Spirit’s conviction. Instead quickly let him pull you back to the Father. How else will your children know what it looks like to return to God when you have done something wrong.
  • Find comfort and encouragement from the Spirit: The Spirit often acts as a Shepherd guiding his sheep along straight paths. When you are in need of comfort, in the midst of a treacherous journey seek the Spirit. He will comfort you with the steady guidance of the Good Shepherd. (Psalm 23:4)
  • Trust the Spirit on the bad days: We will have bad days as parents. In those days we must trust the Spirit as our Helper. The whole premise of the Gospel is that we need help. Left alone we self destruct. God has planted his Helper in our lives. Trust the Helper. Lean on him and depend on him expecting his help. (John 14:26-27)

We have access to the best Parenting Guide ever!  It’s not a book, a website, or your favorite parenting guru. Find guidance from the Guide.  Find counsel from the Counselor. Find help from the Helper. Live the good days and bad days as a person and as a parent joyfully dependent on the Holy Spirit. He is God’s gift and first choice to lead you. Why not constantly give him control and let him lead? Your children will thank you later and your legacy will be recognized by the fragrant aroma of the Fruit of the Spirit.


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